Today, I had ANOTHER appointment.
Luckily it was virtual, and my cat decided to perch herself right in view of the webcam, making it more interesting.
I met with my Nurse Practitioner, who works with Genetics. Not many updates on her side. It was more or less an annual check-in to go over everything that’s happened this past year, and this past year there has been ALOT.
It feels like my Paraganlioma cancer diagnosis and then the second diagnosis this past January of Thyroid Cancer (unrelated btw)— all the tests, appointments, biopsies, and surgery that went into this past year were a repetitive beat down.
I know I stayed strong (or appeared to) through most of it. I tried anyway.
What helped me most was my continually growing relationship with God.
The world felt like it was falling around me, and nothing seemed essential to accomplish when I woke up each morning. However, I soon realized that I just needed to get one thing done each day. The only thing that mattered was checking-in with God each morning, hearing His word, and listening intently after praying and praising Him.
This morning routine is what I have found to be my only priority this past year.
If I was curled up on the couch or taking another nap in my bed the rest of the day, it didn’t matter because I have Jesus, and He has me.
How do you deal with something miserable that keeps happening to you over and over again?
We all went through the ups and downs (mostly downs) of our world, trying to figure out how to operate and respond to COVID.
When another day came, a decision was made to keep isolated or wear masks here, but not there, but wait, yes, wear them over here. It was confusing and could feel like we kept getting beat down with uncertainty every time there was a press release.
It still feels like we are figuring it out. Maybe it’s time to reflect and respond.
After 15 months of battling NOT ONE but TWO cancers, I want to reflect and respond better.
I am tired of letting life keep happening to me.
Appointment after appointment after appointment. Medical bill, after medical bill, after medical bill.
I started this blog to tell my story and share my journey. I want my story to help someone else who may have to go through a similar diagnosis.
I have tried to write over the past year, and I’ll try to do more going forward if I can hopefully find moments of rest from all things cancer.
Even a virtual check-in appointment still makes me feel overwhelmed, and I decompress with tears.
Finding a moment to do meditation after my appointment today also helped.
My newly arrived espresso machine (and learning how to use it) was also a welcomed distraction post-appointment.
Today I was with God, did some meditation, and had a little espresso–it might be my new recipe for survival.
Let me know what you do when it feels like you keep getting beat down. Message me anytime on my Instagram @thejoyfuldazzle, and I’ll reply ASAP.
Hopeful & loved,
Jenn